im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
