How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
