No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
