i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
