thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
