Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
