fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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