the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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