Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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