shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
