i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
