belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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