my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My dick has a subreddit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
