My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
