We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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