Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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