New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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