if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize