Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
