Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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