If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
