omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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