I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
