No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
