ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
