Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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