Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
