i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
