Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
