by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
