he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
