No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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