How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
