I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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