It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
