Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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