My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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