YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
