i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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