I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
