she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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