he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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