Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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