Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
