If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
