the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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