fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
