Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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