She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She bit a glass in half.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
