i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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