so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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