if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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