Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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