i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
