So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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