My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They took my balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
