It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
