I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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