you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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