Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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