Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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